The crazy year

Well,
This year has been insane. I had my heart stomped on but some how found forgiveness. I finally have my temple recommend. School is going by without a hitch. I found happiness again without any guys. I became closer to my amazing mom. I lost some friends but somehow I am still alive. haha I gained my self worth and self esteem in check. I can honestly say, even though it has been quiet a difficult year emotionally, I survived... no, more than survived. I conquered and fought to make myself truely happy. I am just so happy being just me. And even though I am single, I am now a surviver and I am so happy where my life is going and where I am right now. My heavenly father really does have a plan for me and I am looking forward to living it. :)
Now my new years resolution:
1. actually go on a date
2. excersize five times a week for at least an hour.
3. End thearapy and anti depressents by my birthday ( May 30)
4. Go to church evey week (unless I am brutally sick. )
5. Last but not least, stay being happy and grow spiritually and mentally. :)

Build a bear

I took brennen to build a bear last night because he has never gone but he loves build a bear. So we get there and he picked out his really cute blue build a bear. Being two I was just waiting for him to go crazy around the store. He didn't. He stayed right by me and waited patiently for his turn to stuff it. when he got his bear stuffed, he washed it and brushed it with a huge smile on his face. Brennen then, picked out the cutest outfit for his build a bear. He picked out a car shirt and pants. He was literally jumping up and down with excitement. He had such a fun time and I am so grateful I have him in my life. He is the most selfless two year old I know and he has the best smile ever. I love you bremen. I hope when I have kids my two year olds we be loving and patient just like you.

I have had an amazing couple of days. I went to the temple to do baptisms for the dead last night with my singles ward. I loved it so much. I haven't been to the temple since I was fifteen. I felt so blessed to have the opportunity to go yesterday. I truly love the gospel and what it does for me. I am so blessed to have a temple so close to where I live that I can go anytime I want. I made a new goal for myself, to go to the temple at least once a month. Maybe more....

 

My little brother, Brennen, loves lights. When we are driving around and he sees any different lights on houses he says "pretty house." As a result, I had to take him to see temple square during Christmas time. We went tonight. I couldn't believe the look on his eyes when he saw the temple all light up and all the sculptures of Christ birth. He had to see "Baby Jesus" at least three times and just stare. I can't believe the spirit in such a small boy. He really taught me a lot tonight by his sheer amazingness of "Baby Jesus." I love him so much and I am so grateful I have him a a brother.

Complaining ( beware) lol

I just don't understand why I am not getting out on dates. I consider myself strong in the gospel, smart, and pretty. I really don't want to change anything about me. But I wish (since I haven't been out on a date in over a year now) that I could be asked out just once. Maybe I could take another institute class next semester will do the trick. But I am feeling kind of hopeless. I lost the perfect guy from my old thought process. I just wish guys would give me a chance. I just want to have a little fun in my life and I would love to get married if there is that special guy out there for me. It has just doubted myself a little bit on the things I know. It is just hard when people your age or even younger are either getting married or having a baby and I am not even out of my house yet. I want an husband and kids just so bad and I don't know if it is ever going to happen for me. :'(

Cinderella

A couple of days ago I went to see Cinderella the play with my little sister Mckenna and her girl scout troop. It was actually really fun. Though it was an amature play, the actors were awsome. The play was more like a musical though. There was lots of singing. But it was still really good.
I also registered for part of my classes for next semester. Because of all the crap that is going on in my life, I decided to take English instead of math. I also took a zoology class. I need to go get things fixed up at the college for next semester. I can't wait to get my classes in order and just finish my degree. I am so sick of school. I just want to teach finally.

Horray for cleaning!!!!!

so, this past week we have been deep cleaning our whole house. We repainted our bathroom (not the bright orange I wanted) but it looks so much better than that awful wallpaper. I cleaned up the storage room that is in between Sydnee and my rooms and I also bleached tile floor downstairs which would be the laundry room and the storage room. However, I burned myself and have this awful rash looking thing all over the place. I think they might be stress hives. I have them often. I also got a calling this week and my young single adults ward which is a visiting teaching coordinator. I am really excited about it. I took Addysen to build-a-bear for her birthday. She was so excited. We took the frontrunner and everything. I can't believe she is six now. It is funny, Addysen's birthday was one of the last birthday's Brody got to be at last year. Brody has almost been a missionary for a whole year now. I am so proud of him and the strength he has for doing everything and having the will power to do what he does. I am the luckiest person ever. I also need to go up to the school and figure out what happened to my human development grade. According to my records I got a D in that class and since I got an A on my final, it should be an A. I am really confused about that. Anyways, I get the whole week off of work next week because my family is doing the anual going to park city and other places I am not entirely sure what we are doing. I am so excited. I really, really need a break from everything and I am hoping this will help.

Chicago Illinois!!!!

Oh my heck! My brother is going to Chicago for his two year LDS mission! I am sooo happy for him. He has always wanted to go on a misson to Chicago. In fact, that is what he thought he was going to go. I am so proud of him for his sacrifice he his giving for the lord and our lost brothers and sisters. I am going ot miss him a lot but I know he is leaving for the right reasons. What is kind of cool is that if you make a straight line, Brysen's and Brody's mission is connected. It is amazing!

Thank you

I started my job this week. Yay!!!! I love working with Jamie and I love all the kids she watches. I am so grateful for this job and my previous job. I have learned to much and I cannot wait until I can do it myself. I am so blessed to have a wonderful missionary and wonderful people around me to purk me up when I am having an awful day, (thanks Ellie, Marrianne, and mom.) I am just so grateful for everybody who I have accepted into my life and stayed. Thank you all. :)

Ms. Looser

I don't know what to believe anymore. Why can't I serve the lord and go on a mission? Does he want me miserable here at my home for another two years? I hate school, I hate coming home, I lost my job, and the only time I can go anywhere is Sunday while I am at church. Isn't that pathetic, church is my fun. I feel like an old looser. I don't know why God gave me this plan. I am not strong enough for this. I can't even serve a mission because I am not strong enough to suck up my past relationship and move on with my craziness. I am just so sick of people telling me I can't when I have proved time and again I can do it.

Happy Aniversary to me

Last Tuesday was Brody and I's aniversary. I can't believe it has already been one year since we started dating. I really do love Brody and I can't wait for him to be home so we can spend our life and all eternity together. I am so proud of him and what he has accoplished in his life. He is the best guy I have ever met.

My poor missionary

I just found out yesterday that Brody hasn't received any of my letters. I feel awful. I can't believe he hasn't gotten any of them. I wonder how long it has last. I guess now I know why he hasn't sent me letters for awhile. What should I do? Maybe I am sending them to the wrong address. I sure hope he can get my next one and I get one this week. I am kind of going nuttier.

My lucky Day!

Yesterday was Mckenna's birthday and I decided to do my oral presentation that day (hoping it will be good luck.) I did better than last time. They said I was more confident and I spoke louder and more clearer than my last presentation. Yay! I also took a math test and got an 80% on it. I am so proud of myself. I only missed two questions. Mckenna also got a phone. (The same one as mine a mytouch 4g.) I guess her birthday is a lucky day. haha. Even though I was sick, I am still a lucky being. I have a great job, my missionary is happy, and I have great friends. I thank the Lord for those things all the time.

Valentines Day

This semester I really like my classes. I retook my math class and found a wonderful professor who is willing to help me and is very patient. Public speaking isn't really that bad, at least I can pick my own subjects to talk about. I love human development! It is so fascinating. My English professor is really boring however, my homework in that class is actually fun.
I really miss Brody, I didn't get a letter this week and in his E-mail, he seems kind of down. I am really worried about him. I sure hope he starts to enjoy this area of his mission. It is going on to be seven months on Valentines Day and I have no idea what to do. Should I get him a card and candy? Any ideas would help greatly. Thank you.

One of those days

Today was a particularly hard day. I don't know why. I must have rolled off the wrong side of the bed. I have been trying really, really hard to stay in a good mood for awhile now (to spare the people around me.) But today I really missed Brody and it was even a letter day. I can't really stay positive. I feel like I really can't talk to anybody because I don't want them to keep on hearing a broken record. Today is just one of those days that I just want to curl up in a black hole and cry. It is so hard to keep on going in a good mood when you feel like this. If anybody is reading, can you please give me advice? I keep on feeling this way and I am way tired of it.   

Hallelujia!!!

Brody and his family let me see him being ordained an elder... I am so blessed to see this wonderful experience.  Thank you so much!!!!

Brody's family invited me to color eggs for Easter. Thank you so much! It was soooo fun!

We were hunting for our eggs on Easter. We had such a fun time. Brody's siblings hid the eggs and some of them were very difficult to find.

Brody at this point was so tired of me taking pictures of him.. I just had to put this one up because I think it is hilarious.

The beginning....

Today was the first day of my third semester of college. I can't believe I am technically a sophomore. I thought it would never happen. I really like going to class and learning. I have been blessed with amazing professors so far in my school career. Today I had English 1010 and Public speaking (yikes!) I am so petrified of public speaking but I need to learn to communicate better in front of large crowds so I took the harder route instead of interpersonal communications. But I have a great professor apparently... that is what everybody told me anyways.
I didn't get anything from Brody last week. His family got to talk to him. I will eventually. I sure miss him. Hopefully I get one this week. I sent Brody some candy canes last week I made with Pam. I sure hope he likes them. It has almost been seven months... only 17 more fast Sundays! YAY!!!!!!